ok, not like anyone reads it... but yeah, i'm done with the blogging thing for a while. its just doesn't really fit right now.

-sar

WHEN DID I GET SO NEGATIVE? WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE STRANGLE IT OUT OF ME?

danke
-sar

god it hurts. everything is falling apart.

ok. so i haven't written in forever. i get it, i get it. i just haven't been in the zone. So today, i started cleaning out my closet. While there is a lot of junk in there, there are also a lot of possibilities. Now if i can just get over my sentimental attachment to the junk, i can unjumble my closet. I have nice clothes than i thought. Why am I even searching for a prom dress? I don't even know that I'll go. Who knows. Anyone wanna go to prom with me? Lol. good times. Okay, now back to slacking off and dreaming about next year. And oh man, breaking news: Bethany is hungry. There is nothing I can do a/b it, as my mom is cooking dinner now. I think my dad has disappeared off the face of the earth. I have no idea where he is and haven't seen him all day. He's probably working. Okay, so if there is one thing I have learned from all my traveling, it is how to pack smart. This applies to college. You gotta have pieces that you can mix and match. In Italy, I hated my clothes so much. Not only did i look slightly ridiculous in them, but I also wasn't comfortable in far too many of them. Its hard to try to not be american. Okay, I've bored you long enough.

-Sar

ok, so i should so be over this. it so shouldn't even matter. but i can't stand to be called dumb. i am not unintelligent. and just for the record, the point of being on a team is to work together, not to bash each other and fight the whole time. thats why i hate competition. it really is. so anyways, here i am, home a few minutes early, because, of course, i have the cramps from hell. so i just took some ultram for them. bye bye studying tonight. pills also have half lifes. just like radioactive things do. except most pills are not radioactive. i have my llama. my llama will not let me cry. i just... i don't know what happened. where do people get these readings of me, as a ditz, as shallow, as not very good at math? or conversely, as a goody goody teacher's pet. i am none of those things. yet so many people are unwilling to give me a chance. ooo, i know...i know the secret. but not really. what the hell. am i a leper or something?

-sarah

and i'm still bored:

philosophy is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

here is one for phee:

hacking is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

hell yes:

francis bacon is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

and one for bio class:

complex adaptive systems are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

rock:

holy grail is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

what is your mission? i seek the holy grail

ok, so we are watching the same movie for the third time in modernism... we have to write a paper over it this weekend, but its really no big deal, and I'm not really worried a/b it at all. so anyways... BORED. i took extensive notes on it the other two times, so i think i have enough now. but its a little funny... cuz the old bras... they have buttons... no snaps, not hooks, but buttons. how interesting. and apparently all these people are sleeping on the street CUZ ITS HOT OUTSIDE. the soundtrack is a little catchy.

so appaently our teachers have really low morale, so we are supposed to help them and give them apples or something *shrugs.* fair enough. so yeah, thats my lame life. but TOMORROW IS FRIDAY. THIS WEEK WENT BY REALLY QUICK AND TOMORROW IS FRIDAY. So... maybe i can have fun this weekend.

so... lets party. i kinda feel like partying. shana? ;-)

so... earlier, i just couldn't work. i was so worried about getting it done, so focused on not being able to do it that i *couldn't*. then i came home, tried to do some homework, still really couldn't... then i had an intense workout
like burned 10 calories per minute intense.
yeah
thats pretty intense.
so yeah, that made me feel amazing
and got rid of my frustration... so today... was sort of... not a fast, per se. but before dinner... i had a bite of ice cream and tortillas and queso for lunch. i was more just needing to take a little break from eating, so i could get back on track. cuz healthy food is really important. and i've been really bad a/b eating it. man, i could just crash right now... i wish i had time for zen time right now. but i sure as hell don't. but this playlist... its ben folds and lauryn hill.. it rocks. ok, im gonna try and take a "nap" for a few few minutes, and then write my paper.

love ya!

so we're talking about input output stuff in bio. the "i love you" was the one on the individual level. so today. i just burst into tears during lunch for NO REASON. too much STIMULATION. negative, positive. maybe just trying to see if i could cry. and i can. which is a little exciting. so... i can't stop eating... sort of. but i need to just focus on healthy food, and not worry about "oh man, this is so bad, this is so unhealthy"... i am good tho. this class is somewhat ridiculous, but oh well. okay, so there is this new "big brother" program on our computers. so far, we're only using it in art history, but it lets teachers monitor what you are doing (they see your screen). also, they can a)shut down your machine b) disallow you from disconnecting c)limit what programs you can use. but hey, it makes sense, i guess. teachers have to have some way to have control over their class. but that doesn't mean anyone likes it. however, the cool thing about it is that teachers can give quizzes and tests over it, and recieve questions.

OMG, SOOOO BUSY. i was busy before, but suddenly softball comes into the picture. i so don't have time for this. so yeah. when i was little and the doctors hit my knees with the hammer, i thought i was supposed to just kick my leg. so yeah. so they never really tested my reflex.

so. crying for no reason. excitement. maybe i should actually do my biology homework. nah.

so... i know why i was crying... i'm still trying to adjust to the lack of meds. thats why i'm dizzy. but i feel better now. but i really need to work out.

-sar

OH MAN. our sub forgot about our class. our math class. man. today is the most worthless day ever. 3 free periods, nothing to do in them. i think i'm going to just go to the art studio and run some prints. YAY, EMPTY ART STUDIO.

-sar